a few years ago, i made a mental note to myself not to get too close to phlegmatics. then, some time last year, i got stupid and started getting closer to a phleg friend of mine. when will you ever learn, you dumb, dumb girl?
having once been told that i'm not worth getting to know any more deeply, by a friend who promised to love no matter what, i decided that people who hold onto complaints until it has to explode are dangerous. never did i suspect that another close friend of mine would be the same.
why does it have to be one or the other? why can't people share their disappointments, frustrations, questions, annoyances, or whatever before it gets to the boiling point? or at least inquire about them so that they gain a more accurate understanding about whatever it is. usually, i find that when i ask questions, i'm less disappointed, frustrated, or annoyed. why must it be one extreme or another?
i learned, during staff training with cru, to handle conflict early, before it becomes an actual issue. also, this was to facilitate better understanding of oneself as well as others on one's team. as result, i became someone who addresses potential issues early in order to understand and become more intimate, rather than allow them to accumulate, become a problem, and then explode, in order to sever ties. however, i've learned over the years that some people (mostly phlegmatics) see even small mentions of potential issues as an explosion and so fear the resolution process that they go into defensive mode even before the conflict is mentioned.
isn't that insane?
*shrug*
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