vanilla comorro

black tea with a hint of vanilla--a scent that became wildly popular during the 90's and quickly nauseating in the 2000's.

this business of hating folk... truly a destructive force, i must say.  it doesn't necessarily propel as much anger as it boils, does it?

so after some time of wrestling with my utter hideousness, i've come to a conclusion--i have to let it go.  and it's not only possible, it's what this life is meant to do.

recently i came across some people whose philosophies were so set in stone in its most minor points that anything challenging those points in any hint of a way would be met with quick judgment and accusations.  there was a time when i was that way...

i do not regret my passion, nor what i stood for.  however i do regret the manner with which i communicated them. 

i can't continue to hate.  it's too energy-consuming.  and i need my energy to fight off the forces that attack those i love.

chocolate souffle

honeybush, chocolate chips, cream caramel pieces, rosebud

birth of scraps

having recently been blind-sighted a few times, by people i trusted, with information that they chose to use to sever their ties with me, i began to wonder if i'm the only one who lives the way i was taught--if something's wrong, fix it.

i was sitting in a cafe with a friend, talking about a film.  she was obscenely loud and the entire room was shooting surreptitious glares my way.  naturally she didn't notice.  she lived in freedom from social awareness.  however i couldn't bare disturbing others and i really couldn't stand her being THAT GIRL.  so i lowered my head and whispered to her that she was being a bit loud.

lemonade matcha

what is the thread in the human experience?
relationship.

there was a time when i would've answered "pain, significance, sex, or disappointment."  the last thing i would have thought of was relationship.  yet, each of my possible answers have an underlying origin--relationship.

boracay

so a very dear friend of mine, one with whom i've traveled a great deal around the realm of growth, and i had us a small visit yesterday.  at one moment--a very calm and transitional moment--i was shocked at the image before me.  my two friends, married, putting their son into a stroller pulled from the back of an SUV. 

nevertheless, there we were, with our teas and sandwiches, talking about the latest couples in the ministry we used to be parts of.  i swirled my coconut and mango mixture in my mouth and began to wonder if i'd ever meet anyone whose life began extremely spiritually passionate and, later, never became contrastly cold and doubtful.

perhaps it's a necessary step.  i mean, in order to fully believe something, you've got to test it and experience it.  no matter how convinced your mind is of a concept, how could your body and emotions and will get on board without being convinced themselves?

in this respect, could i say that i'm thankful for my bitter and cynical beginnings?

iced bangkok

green tea with a whisper of lemon grass.  guest of honor--soy milk.

so this month, i'm in nyc.  hot, sweaty nyc.

this afternoon, a friend of mine and i moseyed across pratt with our million pound computers to do a little work at a cozy little nook called pillow cafe.  i worked on sketches for a client's calling card.  it's a simple job.  very cute, very bubbly client.  naturally, i'm trying to find a loop-hole where i can add a bit of edge to the design.

but my thoughts kept crawling toward the events of the past week.

fijian sunset

organic green tea, papaya, and wild pineapple.

a sister visited from korea so what began as a gang of people became an intimate flock who gathered around an order of devourable hummus and blue corn chips.

what makes a community?  certainly not a mosh-pit of wandering 20 somethings escaping from reality to a false sense of stability.  yet there we were, catching up on each other's lives which had long since joined the rest of the world with all of its laws of cause and effect.  we were like old friends, now all mothers, getting together for tea on a summer afternoon... except absolutely nothing like that at all.

there were talks of new careers, going back to grad school, and mulling over what country to live in next.  certainly not a soccer-mom discussion.  life after having buried 2 years of your life in a foreign country can bring about some interesting postpartum symptoms.

raspberry bliss

met with a former student of cal state fullerton, where i used to direct a campus mission group.

that class is all grown up now and having careers of their own... it's strange to see them be actual humans with lives that have weight and consequences. is that not the ultimate (no, i'm not going to say paradox) irony? i spent 4 years getting them to believe that their lives are significant and when i see that they live that way, i'm fascinated.

what did he drink? i think it was north end... a puh-er tea with a hint of chocolate. i had a tin of it at home and it was gone in 3 days.

raspberry bliss sounds pokingly sweet, but it had a blanket of flavor. not that the taste covered my tongue, but that it made me think of being wrapped in a blanket. it wasn't hot tea, but something about it's aroma and limited acidity was... round...

like the former student's journey into the great unknown. because of so many twists and turns, it was expected to be poky, but is proving to be just what he needed.